Back To Work

Now that I am finally out of the medical division I thought I would bring you up to speed on my last month.

A couple of days after I got back from EvilCon 06 I was relaxing in my suite when there was a knock on the door. I opened it and there was Katiana, ready to take me up on my offer for a little digital violence.

Not one to argue with a trained killer, I fired up the Xbox 360 and the projector. Gah, what to play? I tried Halo 2 but Katiana said she did not recognize the weapons. Ok, something a little more realistic then. I tried her on The Outfit, a fun little WWII game, and was not surprised when she chose the German female assassin in the tight leather pants and a rifle.

We tried a few more games and I was finally surprised when I threw on Super Monkey Ball and she loved it. After playing for half an hour, she stood up and announced she had to go (so much for scoring tonight).

So how did I wind up needing medical attention? As she left she told me that she would take me out later to play with 'some real toys'. That sounded interesting.

About a week later she was at my door again, telling me to get some shoes on and come with her (whatever you say dear). She took me down to the firing range to show me how to shoot a real gun. Hey, no problem, I've always been a killer on FPS and gun games.

So we start with pistols. She hands me a Walther P99, showed me how to line up the shot, and let me empty the magazine to practice, leaving my hands quite sore and the target unscathed (so much for games teaching you to be a killer).

We moved on to assault rifles, where Katiana showed what a lot of practice can do for accuracy, though I did manage to hit the target with a few rounds of the 20-30 I fired off.

Katiana then showed me how to use a tactical shotgun.

I don't remember what happened after that, but when I woke up I found Katiana at my bedside looking bemused and guilty. Apparently after trying the shotgun as she instructed I decided to point it at the target Terminator style. Before she could warn me I pulled the trigger and, lacking terminator-strength arms, the gun kicked back and hit me in the head, knocking me into a coma that lasted until yesterday.

On the bright side, I got to wake up to the sight of the hottest assassin this side of anywhere.

Back From EvilCon06

I've finally arrived back from EvilCon06, and it was a blast. This year's EvilCon was held in the lair of Dr. Slavotnik, a collection of old ballistic missile silos once used by the Russians. The location was easily dependable and much more thematic than last year's event held at the Idaho Falls Holiday Inn (which was at least effective as a place where nobody would expect a convention of evil).

I delivered a session titled 'Open Evil -- The use of Open Source Software in an Evil Empire' which was very well received by the attendees, especially the more technically minded evils. There were several good questions from the audience regarding whether Open Source software was evil enough, but having asked those questions myself I think the audience went away satisfied.

On a related note, the SCO booth at the tradeshow was easily the most popular booth this year. I love the trade show, you get wonderful swag in exchange for feigning interest in whatever the vendors are peddling. Since most booths are not IT related but more oriented around weapons I am not actually the target buyer for most of these guys, but that never stopped me from playing the game and getting some new toys. This year I really liked the exploding frisbees one of the weapons dealers was handing out -- throw it and it adheres to whatever surface it hits, then push a button on your watch and it explodes like a shaped charge. Most of the swag is your standard fare of kevlar t-shirts and pen-guns, but the extra touch goes a long way.

I always like the atmosphere of EvilCon, it's not full of petty thugs or family operations, instead the guest list is limited to those who work in evil either for the love of it or for the professional challenge. As a result there is no random mayhem, just people who love what they do and who want to share what they have learned so that together we all become more skilled.

I think the highlight was the closing keynote. Thanks to a generous sponsor, General Diabolik was busted out of his military prison and was present to deliver a session called "Never Say 'Before I Kill You' -- Lessons Learned From the Fray". It was a really great session that highlighted what happens when you become too cocky. There are several points I will be bringing up at our next strategic meeting like having the acid vats removed from the control room or at least getting some steel covers put on them.

All in all it was a great conference and I am really looking forward to next year's event. Maybe one year I should look at even having it hosted here in the forbidden zone.